RADIO SHOW/AUDIO PODCAST
Solutions...with Courtney Anderson! (SwCA)
Episode 185 -
Originally aired 9/08/2014 9:00 AM -
MANAGEMENT MAGICIANS series:
“I Love Being A Leader! Yet, I Am Lonely. Is It Really Lonely At The Top?”
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TALK SHOW EPISODE NOTESOur MANAGEMENT MAGICIANS™ series is dedicated to those exceptional few who step forward to serve as guides, sages and responsible parties for others in pursuit of the greater good for society and their organization! These are managers who redefine their job titles to ensure their own personal contentment as they motivate, monitor and mentor their team members each day. The “magic” that a talented manager is able to create changes their lives, the lives of their team members and ripples throughout the larger society. We salute their sacrifices and share their techniques and “secrets” to achieving sustained positive experiences for themselves, clients, customers, peers, team members, and the public at large! In this episode, our topic is, “I love being a leader! Yet, I am lonely. Is it really lonely at the top?”
Yes. I usually advise that we avoid using absolutes, but in this case, they are appropriate. It is lonely at the top. It is not your imagination. You are not the cause of the loneliness. It is a result of the structural nature of serving as a manager (and/or leader). Those that are in charge have the trust of their team members. To maintain that trust you must maintain your managerial behavior. “It seems that the higher up the corporate ladder one travels, the more lonely the journey. […] If left unchecked, this loneliness and sense of isolation can severely limit executive careers and in the worst cases it can be a precursor to depression and self- harm. Anecdotally it is widely recognised that careers can be curtailed as chief executives burn out, suffer psychological exhaustion, turn to alcohol or, in the worst cases, have a complete emotional breakdown.” […] “The most important thing is to be pro-active, and to keep asking yourself and keep inquiring about your own sense of joy and happiness at work.” (http://www.brw.com.au/p/sections/features/it_lonely_at_the_top_r6pGqMHiG6tPGiGN42ucDP) Have you ever witnessed an adult (aka the manager of a family) who is trying to “be friends” with their minor child? They will say, “I’m a cool mom. I am fun!” In some cases the adult will actually want to “join in” with children at a party and “be one of the gang.” A 32 year old adult mom is not cool when hanging out with 13 year old children. They are still an adult and their presence during a 13 year old social activity (joining in as a ‘peer’) is not welcome. They are an adult. They are often told by their 13 year old child to “get their own friends their own age.” A manager (and/ or leader) who tries to “join in” with a staff social activity as “one of the gang” is not welcome. They are the manager and they will take away the fun element of the event simply by attending (as no one else is able to relax and really be themselves). The manager is thus friendly with their team but they are not personal friends. So, who does the manager get to let their hair down with and truly relax? Who do they get to share their fears and apprehension with? Who do they cry and freak-out with? Never their staff. They must get their own friends that are the same status as themselves (a peer and not a subordinate). In this show we discuss: 1) Why it is ‘lonely at the top’ and how to better prepare for it. "Executives often are the least likely to benefit from the buffer systems—such as adequate and consistent exercise, proper nutrition, psychological coping skills, support networks, and work-life balance—that protect them from depression[.]” […] “[E]xecutives, he adds, "keep themselves busy so they can avoid feeling helpless and hopeless"—key emotional markers of depression, according to Stybel—because so much of their business lives has been about being the complete opposite. "They know if they don't keep themselves busy, the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness will overwhelm them.”” (http://www.asaecenter.org/Resources/ANowDetail.cfm?ItemNumber=36738) 2) How does a manager make friends when they are working long hours? 3) How do you make friends with a “peer” when your professional peers have nothing in common with you other than work? (different age, different gender, different ethnicity, etc.) 4) What are the consequences of ignoring the issue of loneliness? “Often dismissed and rarely discussed, many CEOs are plagued by feelings of isolation once they take on the top job. Findings from our inaugural CEO Snapshot Survey™ (PDF) reveal that half of CEOs report experiencing feelings of loneliness in their role, and of this group, 61 percent believe it hinders their performance. First-time CEOs are particularly susceptible to this isolation. Nearly 70 percent of first-time CEOs who experience loneliness report that the feelings negatively affect their performance. These feelings are not limited to CEOs. In fact, loneliness and its repercussions can affect any individual with newfound authority. […] Anyone who has stepped into a new leadership role knows that the less-than-positive feelings that come with authority are often unexpected. CEOs and other leaders go to great lengths to maintain a façade of unflappable confidence — concealing any insecurities or feelings of anxiety. But this cycle creates dangerous problems for both leaders and their organizations as a whole.” (http://blogs.hbr.org/2012/02/its-time-to-acknowledge-ceo-lo/) 5) How do you prioritize friends as a manager and nurture the relationships to continue to mitigate or prevent loneliness (hint: it takes a friend to be a friend) I mentioned this Forbes article in the show (and share why it may or may not be helpful for you!) It is at http://www.forbes.com/sites/martinzwilling/2012/01/25/10-ways-top-business-leaders-avoid-the-loneliness/. I also mentioned an article I read in the New York Times about a manager spending mandatory meeting time show pictures of their children (not at all related to the job). You can read it here: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/10/jobs/workologist-when-a-meeting-runs-off-the-road.html?action=click&pg&module=c-column-middle-span-region®ion=c-column-middle-span-region&WT.nav=c-column-middle-span-region&src=dayp&_r=0 As I note in the show, my suspicion is that loneliness (and a bit of narcissism are causing this behavior! Let’s discuss this often ignored result of climbing to the top and make sure that it does not destroy everything that we have worked so hard to achieve! |
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